The smell of change?

As the world ponders such issues from Health care reform... to fears over a possible H1N1 outbreak... one issue has fallen by the wayside!

I am here to shine a blazing light on a growing problem that I feel all to many people are ignoring! And by IGNORING it... it's only going to get worse!

That problem, of course, is''' What ever happened to soap that actually smells like soap?"

Seriously! I think this whole modernization of the hand soap industry has gone too far!

The other day, I was washing my hands in the bathroom and caught a whiff of a sweet, sugary, vanilla smell.

That's just wrong!

I understand that some people LOVE that scent... but it is NOT a scent I want to smell in the bathroom!

Something about mixing food smells with... well... OTHER smells in that room is just gross!

While THAT is the top example of this growing issue... I have to say it's not the only issue.

I mean... even OTHER scents are inappropriate for various reasons...

I mean... I personally don't want my hands to smell like I just picked a bushel of blackberries! As if there's some blue floral bonnet filled with berries that I picked with the Ingalls girls while "pa" caught dinner in the "crick".

Besides... for those people who LOVE food scented soaps... what is the first thing you do when you wash your hands? You hold them up to your nose... inhale deeply... and say "mmmmmmm I just LOVE that smell!".... the problem with that? You just put your clean hands up to your dirty nose which clearly you did not wash!!!!

What is the FIRST rule Doctors say about preventing Flu and sickness? DON'T be touching your face!

Maybe I'm way off in left field here... but I choose to prevent the spread of germs ANY way possible!

That is why I NEVER eat birthday cake unless I can easily peel off the protective coating of icing!

PLEASE people?!?!? I don't care who you are or how cute your child is... I am NOT eating something that you... or your child just blew across!!!! I may as well just lick your nose!

Critter Wars!

When I moved to my home in Van Buren, Arkansas... I encountered a bug that I had never seen before.

I've since found out these scary little bugs are known as "House Centipedes".

This first time I ever saw one, I had just moved in and was sitting on the newly carpeted floor, watching TV.

As you might have guessed from all those legs... these little boogers can HAUL! By the time you've seen something out of the corner of your eye.... They are ON you!

Now, I am not really afraid of spiders or most bugs... My only REAL "bug fear" is the Scorpion!

My brother Charles used his knowledge of this fear to scare me mercilessly.... Sometimes meticulously cutting a scorpion image out of a magazine and placing it along my base board... or on my bed... He even bought me one of those Oklahoma Paper weights that has a scorpion inside it... yeah, it was greeeeeaaaaaaaat.

So with my prior knowledge of the way scorpions look when they quickly trek across your carpet... I nearly went into a fear induced seizure when a house centipede darted across the floor and onto me!

Most people who know me, know that I really hate to kill anything... I will usually catch the critter and set it free outside. That's not a Buddhist belief... I think it'd more for all the times My cousin Sandy and I would catch things... and our uncle Billy would begin telling us about that creatures family... how they would be wondering what happened to it... maybe even holding search parties or hanging tiny little signs. Needless to say, the Scorpion in my one exception.

One night I killed one of these bugs as they darted across the floor... really just so I could make sure it WASN'T a scorpion... if it HAD been... I was ready to pack up and move again!

When I lifted the shoe I used to kill this thing... I was confused. I mean... what WAS this thing? It looked like false eye-lashes had fallen to the floor and took off running really really fast.

Then, I started worrying that I might have killed some endangered bug... I mean... If I, being a person of country/hill people heritage had never seen one... it MUST be rare!

After a long talk with a friend at the Extension Office and countless hours of web searches... the bug was identified.

Turns out, these creepy little bugs are actually GOOD to have around. They eat spiders and other bugs.

I've since tried to just let them be... it's kind of hard... because some of these things have been more than 3 inches long !

We've sprayed many times... but it doesn't seem to have a huge affect on them.

I'm cool with them, for the most part, but there is nothing that will shake you awake like seeing the light from the alarm clock cascading off a bug darting up your wall!

ewwwwwwwwwwww! Heeeeebie Jeeeeeebies!

Motivation: An experiement in ... ah... whatever

So Here it is AUGUST already and I have NO motivation to complete all my goals for 2009!

What's the deal with that?

I mean, this is the first year in nearly 20 years that I've had a schedule that would permit me time to work on my personal goals... and yet... nothing.

I KNOW what it is... It's that stupid TV and all the glorious shows to which I am now addicted!

Let me give you a rundown of my favorite shows... and a brief synopsis of why these shows are television gold!

Of all the reality shows ever created... Big Brother is the only one I would ever want to go on! And let me tell you why.

Winning that game is TOTALLY about listening and learning... and convincing other people that YOUR goals are actually THEIRS.... I could... and totally have had to do that!

look people... I worked to TV stations for 18 years of my life! The ONLY way to survive that long in that field is to play mental chess!

Don't get me wrong... most of the people I worked with were amazing, truly genuine people... but I can say without reservation that at every station I worked, there were people in power who certainly never should have been. But... I, as well as others, smiled... complemented them on their great ideas... maybe even told them they looked like they lost weight... all the while, sneaking our own ideas into the system... and convincing management that it was THEIR idea...

I'm serious people... I could TOTALLY win that show!

Another show I think is great is "The Colony".

The premise for this show is that there's a group of people who have survived some sort of apocolypse and now they're trying to recreate certain parts of civilization.

What I LOVE about this show is that there's a realistic element that none of the other survivor shows have... People can attack you and steal your stuff!

I mean THINK about it... that's totally what would happen in real life... Heck.. it's what DOES happen...

Not that this is any comparison, but I live in a pretty nice neighborhood... presumably safe. Yet every year, kids steal things out of my yard! Whether it's a pumpkin at Halloween or a yard decoration... it's still stolen.

I'd like to invent a new show about protecting your home... maybe featuring new inventions... something like "motion sensing tasers" that you could hide in your shrubs? Of course that would HAVE to come with a camera... I mean... there is no better joy than seeing a thief get tazed while trying to steal something... it only makes it that much better if it's a mean little kid. >:-)

Rounding up my weekly viewing is Ace of Cakes and Cake Boss...

I actually think I Like Cake Boss better than Ace of Cakes. I mean, that guys cakes look more edible than Duff's on Ace of Cakes.

Duff's people make some amazing "cakes" but only a small part is actually edible. pretty much every part of the cake on "Cake Boss" is edible... AND they make other cakes that actually look like... well... cakes... and they look sooooooo goood.

You know... looking at my viewing habits... I'm starting to see why I've become a chubby hermit! <:-0

What did I EAT ?

I may have had the STRANGEST dream I've ever had last night.

Most people who know me know that I can usually pinpoint certain elements of a dream and can tell why I dreamed about it... but this one really left me scratching my head... so if there are any dream interpreters out there... Here ya go!

OK... so the the dream started with me back at UCA in Conway. There was a competition where you were given a big plastic sword and a list of people you had to tag. If you tagged everyone on your list, your name went into a drawing for $10,000.

My list was random and somehow included my parents.. As soon as I got my list and saw them on it... I went to the dining center (where they were sipping coffee) Tagged them and moved on.

The next two people on my list were so random that it was just odd! I mean, I KNOW them... but I haven't seen either of them in years... unless you count a few e-mails on Facebook.

I was supposed to tag Greg Robinson and Leahe Shultis.

In my dream, they were both in line at the dining center at UCA. I think it must have been around Halloween because everyone was dressed in costume... Greg and Leahe were dressed as Pilgrims. (wait it get's stranger)

So I quickly tag Greg... but I had to hide until Leahe walked by and I quickly tagged her! She turned around and said... "Oh, Heyyy.... Sorry... I'm just not feeling well". I remember telling her she looked really good and she could probably wear the skirt part of her costume with other things. (?) .....

Right then, she said "I need to sit down"... We sat on a couch that was right there next to the line... and then I called for paramedics to come check her out!

After doing some quick on-site testing... they said... "well, she has H1N1". I was like "GREAT!... I was just sitting with her!"...

Leahe was just sitting there trying to get over her swine flu when I said "I need to go get a drink".... But I DIDN'T go get a drink... I went to see my friend Devonna who was one of my roommates in college.

I didn't talk to her all that long before she was telling me about the new roommates and how one of them knew me.

This part of the dream gets a little fuzzy... I met the guy and he was a 1997 Southside Graduate... somehow, I DID know him in my dream... but I don't really in real life.

NEXT thing I know... I'm working on Glen's and My pool... but it wasn't the 21 foot round pool that we have... it was a GINORMOUS covered WAVE pool! It was COVERED in seaweed so we hired some French or Russian guy to help us clean it. We were all IN the absolutely HUGE pool working in tandem to fold the seaweed up... much like a tarp!

We all got out and glen was pointing over to the side where there were some leaves and he was telling me "You have to get those leaves!"

As I walked closer... I realized it wasn't leaves... it was a baby SEAL! By this time, Glen was beside me and I told him "That's not leaves... it's a baby SEAL" and he was looking everywhere except where I pointed saying "where? I don't see it"... the seal climbed out of the pool right next to me and I told Glen "RIGHT HERE!!!"... he was like "oh... I see"... like it was no big deal! I mean come on... it's a fricking SEAL!

I picked up the seal and carried him to the refrigerator that was beside the pool... opened it up and saw some tiny watermelon slices that I thought he might eat.... I gave them to him and he ate them... but then scrunched up his face and sneezed so I thought maybe he shouldn't eat any more of that... PLUS... when I looked at the watermelon treat in my hand... I realized it was wrapped in purple onion slices. (seriously... what is this all about????)

In my dream... I knew that seals couldn't eat purple onions... so I took him to my sister's house to look up what seals could eat. Of course, my sister was all "OHHHHHHHH! IT'S A BABY SEALLLLLLL!!! HE'S SO CUUUUUUTE"...

I don't know if this matters... but in my dream, that's when I determined that the seal had actually escaped from the fair... OH!!! and he was a GREY seal when I found him... and a WHITE seal with grey patches when the dream ended..

OK... So WHAT THE HECK DOES THAT ALL MEAN?

I mean... I NEVER remember my dreams in THAT much detail...

This dream is either trying to tell me some hidden truth... or trying to tell me not to eat so close to bedtime. It MAY just be reminding me that I am one crazy mo fo.