The annual task of determining exactly who will be our American Idol... to reign over us... unite the world through song... and show that music truly IS the answer... Mwah ha ha ha ha! I almost didn't get through that!
We all know that American Idol and shows of that ilk serve one and only one purpose... so that we can sit at home and watch people make fools of themselves... and if lucky... cry as their dreams are dashed.
What is it about seeing the humiliation and destruction of others that makes such good TV?
But in all fairness, aren't these people honestly just setting themselves up? Don't they actually kind of have it coming?
And while American Idol is the main platform for this atrocity, doesn't it really exist all around us?
I mean, I watch that show and see those bleach blond, ditzy girls who walk in there like they are Lady GaGa...
They all have such confidence... "I KNOW I'm the next American Idol... everybody says so!"
Then... that awful moment. I mean, you usually can't tell for the first couple notes... but there are some who are just insufferable the instant that first sound escapes their mouth!
And you know, If I was up there and I saw the Judges reacting badly... maybe laughing... I have to think I would stop... but they don't, do they?
Granted, sometimes it's because they're following the Christina Aguilara school of performance... Eyes closed... head moving... hand accentuating the high and low notes...
Then, when the judges offer that sage advice that they should NEVER sing again.... they always look so surprised!?!?!
OK... So I just can't accept that ANYONE can be THAT self unaware!
What kind of mental abuse is being offered toward these performers if their friends and family actually ENCOURAGE them?
I mean, I'm sure it starts as a simple "white lie"... like when your friend shows you pictures of their baby who was delivered naturally... with that pointy head... and you're compelled to say "ohhhhhh, how CUTE!!!!!".... Cut to 3 years later when the kid is still bald.... but wearing those "stick on" bows in her photos for "the prettiest baby" contest!?!?!?
See, by then, we're invested in the lie... you can't exactly go back and say... "girrrrrllll.... I'm sorry I thought you KNEW I was just being nice.... your baby looks like an ankle!!!"
So we just let it go! We may actually even start to believe the lie a little... Suddenly EVERYTHING that ugly little kid does is "GREAAAAATTTT!!!! A Gift from baby Jesus, just amazing!!!"
And there's not an easy way to bring the parent and the child for that matter back to reality! There's no script for it... well... there wasn't... until now.
Let's revisit Betty and Brenda and Brenda's daughter Angeline is examining her career possibilities...
Brenda- Betty? Did I tell you? Angeline just got her pictures back... we're going to get her an agent to help get her into modeling!
Betty- Ohhhhhhhhhh, Bless your heart, is that right?
Brenda- Yeah, everyone is always going on about how pretty and talented she is... What did
that photographer say? Oh yeah, that she had a lot of the same features as Anne Hathaway!!!
Betty-Really? Are you sure he said ANNE Hathaway? Not Jane?
Brenda- Oh HA HA HA HA ha ha ha ! Are you talking about "Miss Jane" from Beverly Hillbillies? HA HA HA HA HA You are so funny, Betty!!!!
Betty-Oh Ha ha ha... yeah... you know me... always a joker... So what happened with Angeline's
job over at the school cafeteria?
Brenda- She's gonna give it up... We're just so certain she's going to make it!!! We took a loan
We're dumping our savings into her big chance!
Betty- OH JESUS!!!! Umm Er.. Jesus Loves the little children... I have always loved that song... Well, I'll be praying for you... er.. her... You know... maybe before you go through all
that, maybe she should go for American Idol!!!!
