Fa la la la -----whatever

Well, we survived another holiday season! Now, we just have to make it past the 2009 finish line!

Unfortunately, it seems that the crazy shopping madness and traffic troubles didn't just stop with Christmas!

Apparently, everyone in the free world saved up all their vacation until the last of the year... I assume to piss me off!

OK... So, Sunday after Christmas I had to go to the store.

I put it off as long as I could... but I was down to the last of my instant rice and ranch dressing... So I actually HAD to go buy groceries.

I live 1.4 miles exactly from Wal-Mart.... so I thought SURELY I can handle this.

As I was about to turn onto the highway I was met by a slew of those lovely drivers who are driving 50mph until they get near your intersection and see that you have a narrow window of opportunity to get onto the highway.... then they slow it way down!

After they passed I was able to get onto the highway... but the onslaught of idiot drivers made it impossible for me to catch up with the drivers who willfully made it harder for me to get on the road... I wasn't going to flip them off or anything... I mean it IS still the holiday season... but if I could make it difficult for them to make a turn or get into the outside lane... then we'd be even, ya know? I mean... I would just be fulfilling the other half of "do unto others".

Anyway... I finally make it to the Wal Mart Parking lot.

May I just ask, what the HELL are people thinking when they cut across the lot to get the perfect spot?

I mean... do they really think those yellow lines and arrows only apply to OTHER people but not them?

MORE than once I have been driving along, following the directions PAINTED on the lot only to be cut off by some large woman, with bangs circa 1987.... two bumper stickers- one that says "follow me to -insert church name here-" and the other that says "Housework doesn't suck...if it did men would like it".

I think I'm just becoming such a jaded person in my old(er) age... because I don't even stop when I see them swinging around to cut in front of me.... I CONTINUE WITH MY RIGHT OF WAY!

And even though, according to any drivers education book ever printed I am in the right... I end up getting the hateful look/finger point?!?!?

So I find a spot.... drive over the empty cans and used diapers! By the way... WHY do some people do that? There is nothing more vile than to step out of the car and step on or near a discarded dirty diaper! If you see someone dump a diaper in a public lot... take a picture of them /their car... As God as my witness I am going to start a photo site where we will expose these nasty inconsiderate parents....

Finally, I get into the store.... feces free and with a portion of my patience hanging by a single strand of hope..

I'm trying to rush to get what I need, and I get stuck behind a man on one of those motorized carts! The ONLY thing that kept my rage in check is knowing that this man... this poor soul... has clearly had it worse than me.... I mean... I have the freedom to walk the aisles... while he... through some cruel test of fate is resigned to this scooter... unable to reach items on the top shelf... WHAT THE HELL?????? That's when he STOOD UP... Grabbed his item.... and then stretched his back!!!! As if this "road trip through Wal Mart" was just too much for his back... He needed to take a break from sitting! I FELT CHEATED!

Once I got around him, I was met on every aisle by people who were apparently using each aisle as a venue for their family reunions!!!! And then when you look at them and muster up every ounce of politeness left in depths of your soul and say "excuse me, please" with a SMILE no less... and you get that "huff/jagged cart move"!

When that happens, it is ALL I can do to not go peel off one of those security tags in electronics and somehow attach it to them where it's not visible... so Mabel at the front door will make them walk through the metal detectors 57 times just to figure out what wasn't scanned!

Finally, I make it all the way up to the checkouts... only to end up in a lane where the meanest woman ever created it berating the checker for not being able to scan her coupons.... only to later find out that 3 of the coupons were for items the lady didn't buy and 4 of them were EXPIRED!

I get through with no major problems... only to find a cart lodged against my door.

I push it to the Cart Corral (Yes people... that's where they go) , Get in my car and FLOOR it out of there!

About halfway home I'm coming down from my stress induced rage... when it hits me.... I forgot bread!