Tulsa Trip-PG 13

Glen and I went to Tulsa yesterday with our friends Sandy & Beth.

Now, NORMALLY our trips with them are pretty tame.

I'm not sure if it was the heat or the moon phase... or if the was a sale on cheap tequila... but something was in the air in T-Town.

When we got to Woodland Hill's Mall, we all split up. Beth wanted to go to some woodworking thing or whittle fest at the expo center... so she dropped the rest of us off.

Sandy went to Macy's, the women's section... and Glen and I went to the Men's section.

I was casually searching the clearance and sale racks ( seriously... they had some good stuff) when I heard a commotion at the counter.

"I am a paying customer and that is just BULL SH#T, I'm not going to take that SH#T from a SALES girl" Said the obese woman with major roots, a bad dye job and shorts that she really needed to save for her "AFTER" picture.

Now, any of us who have worked in retail have dealt with that type of person... there's really no consoling them... they just want to make someone as miserable as they are... I guess everyone needs to feel empowered or something.

No sooner than the woman had stomped away... she came back to point out the girl who had caused her not to shop there anymore.

After the manager walked her away... It was time for Glen and I to check out... while at the counter I told the "new" sales girl that I saw what happened and the other clerk shouldn't get in trouble because of some white trash "speak your mind" day event that had just happened... she said she would tell the manager...

I filed that event into my mental filing case so I could tell Sandy & Beth about it later.... Then Glen and I continued our shopping.

When it came time to meet Sandy at our rendezvous... Glen and I took the outside shortcut to get from JC Penney's to Macy's.

As we were nearing the entrance, we heard a MAJOR barrage of cuss words spewing from the mouth of a bleach blond, thin... actually so thin her arms and legs were "cricket like", woman...

Now I cant type all these words without an adult guard... so I'll replace the BAD words with a variety of stuffed animal in italics...

This is how it happened:

Woman: What did you say about my daughter you stupid son of a bunny? Who the fozzy bear do you thing you are?

Man: If you're daughter is going to come prancing around the mall dressed like a horton hear's a who then you'd better fozzy well expect some son of a bunny to call you on it... Bunny!

Woman: What kind of a fozzy bassett hound says sheep like that about a 12 year old girl?

Man: The same kind of bassett hound who would try to pick up your fozzy daughter for looking like a Horton. I admit it, I'm a bassett hound... and I'm sure glad I went to war to fight for freedom so some little 125 pound bunny could dress her daughter like a horton!

Woman: My HUSBAND is on his second TOUR in KUWAIT you Goofy Darned mother fozz-ing son of a bunny!

Man: Last time I looked you stupid bunny, there's not a fozzing war in Kuwait... hope your goofy darned husband is enjoying his fozzing air con fozzing ditioning you stupid bunny!


This went on for a solid 10 minutes... and there were a couple times I SERIOUSLY thought the woman was going to hit him! The whole time, Glen and I are hiding out of her tunnel vision.. considering whether it would have been worth it to shoot video of it on our cell phones and posted it! At the time... we were like "Noooooo" .... Now, I wish more than ANYTHING we had done it!

So after that ended and we brought Sandy and Beth up to speed on everything we saw... we all decided to head to the Cherokee/Hard Rock Casino.

Inside, once again we split up... and after a short while, Glen and I found a game called Diamond Jackpots that we like.

When we were walking up... there was a LARRRRRRRGE man sitting on one of the machines next to us.. he wasn't playing... just sitting... He was really really large... He actually may have been the largest person I have seen in real life, unless you count that show "Big Medicine" on TLC?

Anywho... we sat down, stuck in our 20's and I guess something caught that guy's attention because he got up... leaving behind a "smear".

I saw it and pointed it out to Glen... it was a long, humid line that lead to a fibrous brown dollop..... of course Glen was JOKINGLY saying it was poo.... that's when the SMELL hit me! IT WAS POOOOOOOO!!!!! I think I may have actually gone pale and I was seriously sickened by that first whiff!

"Oh my gosh it really IS crap, Glen.... I CAN SMELL IT!!" I said.

Glen was like "nuuuuuh uhhhhhh"... I couldn't stay there and argue with him about it... I had to put as much distance between ME and the POO chair as possible!

I scooted down about 14 chairs and kept an eye on it, knowing I would feel HORRIBLE remorse if I saw someone SIT in it...

The good thing is, I won $140 on that machine.... WAY more than I took in there!

I was telling THAT story to Sandy when we left... she said "What d'ya know, Sh#t happens, then you win."