Please... please, just don't!

I have recently come to the conclusion that I may actually be rotten to the core.

I'm finding that with each additional day that I'm alive... something new grates on my nerves.

the latest culprit... whistling!

I totally understand that the first person to ever whistle was likely lauded as the hero of the tribe... and honestly, I can see that it probably came in handy to the cave people who needed to communicate across long distances... or who simply needed it as their sole musical instrument...

but... now, we have cell phones and too many musical instruments to even count!!! In Fact, MANY of them are represented in apps on my phone!

last week, I was walking though Wal-Mart... so you can assume I was already at "World Hatred Level 7" when across the store I heard it! That airy, keyless, uncontrolled mouth warble!

This guy was apparently extremely happy to be walking through Wal Mart!

I tell you, I could hear it across the entire store...

At first, it was just a slight annoyance... but as it continued, I felt the RAGE FILLING MY BODY!

I HAD to track this guy down!

So I began my hunt... slinking though the racks of 5 dollar jeans and t-shirts that attempted to capture the trends of last year....

Then, across the bra section... I caught a glimpse of him...

I QUICKLY ducked so he wouldn't see me... then it occurred to me that I'm a 38 year old man bobbing and weaving in the BRA section!!! So I quickly mad it to the pets section.

All the while, that tuneless... off pitch abomination CONTINUED!

I mean, ever so often I'd hear a tiny section of his puckered performance that sounded a little familiar... "Ohhhh... that's Amazing Grace... wait! No... it's Lady Gaga..."

I just couldn't imagine how someone could be so unaware.... so full of themselves that they must pollute the ears of the world with this wretched harmony.

As I continued my hunt... weaving down aisles and around people who were hogging entire walkways with their apparent FAMILY REUNION going on!!!!

This is when I started thinking about what I would say to this tonal terrorist! Working the whole conversation out in my mind..."What the HELL do you think you're doing!?!?!? If we wanted to HEAR that whistley crap, we'd pop in a Mariah Carey CD!!!""" Yeah, THAT'S what I'll tell him!

Finally, I could tell I was getting closer... "He MUST be heading to the checkout!!!

At that moment, I felt more determined than I EVER HAD.... I wheeled around the Cards aisle and set my sights on him.... at that moment... I finally focussed on more than the pulsating rage that was giving me tunnel vision... The whistler.... was a priest! A PRIEST for God's sake... literally!

I couldn't spew forth my planned script of strong words and snide comments to a PRIEST!?!? I started checking for boils or other signs of plague considering all the INCREDIBLY IRREVERENT thoughts I had about him! I mean, in the old testament, people were smote for less, am I right? Besides, I have pretty much lived with the belief that there is a giant "lightning bolt attracting" target on the top of my head... That's why God made me so tall!!!

At the end of the day, I realized 3 things.

1... as much as I hate to accept it... I am not the supervisor in charge of all things acceptable in the free world.

2... I am not Catholic.

and 3... Never go to Wal-Mart without taking Xanex and my headphones for my iPod!