I had to go to the evil Mart today to pick up some sodas...
Yeah, I usually try to avoid that store at all costs.... except when it's hot and I'm crabby... then all my convictions go out the window.
Anyway, as I walked in the icy cool store and buried my hatred deeper... I thought, I want to look through the toy section.
Normally, I won't do that unless I have my niece with me... Nothing says "WEIRDO" like a 37 year old man looking though the toy section alone.
Can I just say kids today are SO lucky. We NEVER had these toys! And apparently, I was part of the generation where the powers who make up safety rules lived by the "oh it's probably fine... no kids have died yet" rule.
Seriously... I remember getting "Hot Wheels" cars as long as I can remember! I LOVED playing with them and chewing on their lovely little plastic tires as I drifted off to sleep.
TODAY I read that they're not really recommended for children under 3!?!?!? I'm pretty sure I teethed on a miniature 1973 Firebird.
Back then, I'm not sure they even CONSIDERED whether a toy might be inappropriate for a child. I mean, how else do you explain Shrinky Dinks?
Many an afternoon was spent coloring those little sheets with sharp (probably lead based) pencils... cutting them out with a pair of sharp scissors... and then placing them in a hot oven! I mean... I had to kill some time before my parents got off work.
So I started asking myself why WE never needed those recommended ages... but today's children do... and I came to the conclusion that children today are stupid.
Seriously! I mean... somehow I seemed to just KNOW as a young child that small things could choke me... sharp things could cut me... and hot things could burn me. It's like there was a guiding voice telling me these things... Oh THAT'S right... it was my MOM!
But see... My mom didn't just warn me that I might choke or get hurt... she'd wait for it to happen and then tell me... "Well, That's what you get!"
And you know what? Over time... I realized that I was responsible for my own actions! I could make my own choices... knowing full well that some of those choices could harm me. Guess what? I turned into a cautious child who was convinced that no one would save me if I DID get hurt... especially not my mother.
The moral to this story... Sometimes, the best thing parents can do is let kids learn for themselves....
If Paris Hilton's family didn't bail her out of every tough situation... don't you think she might stop acting like a hoochie... and maybe even put on a pair of underwear?
Somewhere, in our quest to spread the joy of ecology (Circa 1976), we started thinking that the best way to teach children was to protect them from EVERYTHING... And you see where that's gotten us.
(Once again to all the parents out there... I'm definitely not talking about YOUR little angels... they're just divine! Yes, they ARE the most beautiful children God ever paused to create.)
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
I feel a song coming on...
You know, sometimes I feel bad for my pets.
As many of you know, I was a music major in college. Being such, singing has always been a huge part of my life.
I honestly sing more often than I'd like to admit... and often... my own original works..
For instance...
My poor little Holli. She's 10 now, but when she was a puppy, I wrote a little ditty to "rile her up". It was called " I love my Holli". It was a fast paced little song, deeply entrenched in the vaudeville style. It also came with fast hand movements... which Holli HATED and would attack.
For years, I could start with that ever slow first line... IIIIIIII LOOOOOOOOOOVE MYYYYYY..... and Holli would get poised to leap!
I'd then BURST into the rest of the song with arm movements....
"...Holli.... my little Holli... I love my Holli Wolli Girl.... I Love Her... My little Holli... My little Holli Wolli girl." then it pretty much repeats until Holli, smartly , realized that if she ignored me... I'd stop.
Today I was thinking of that song as I sang "Bad Boy Blues" to Tucker... He chimes in with a slight whimper/howl. "Tucker... you is a bad boy.... you so bad all the live long day.... ohhhh Tucker... you such a bad boy... can't you see it's too hot to play?.... oh Tucker... mean old Tucker... why come you has to beeeee that way?"....
I have to say .... those words change depending on the situation... as you might have guessed, that's a bluesy song... I have to summon my inner Billie Holiday for that one.
As God as my witness, I just PRAY my neighbors can't hear me!
You have nooooo Idea.... music just hits me sometime! I don't know if I'm alone in that? I mean, I KNOW my friend Krista is the same... we used to spend entire evening's just singing everything!
It was like we were stuck in an opera.... a very very bad and long opera! ;-p
I can't imagine living any other way.
In fact... here's a challenge for you. The next time you're in a bad mood... just start singing! Seriously! The sillier the topic the better!
Fort instance... if you're out of coffee (or soda) in the morning... summon a deep baritone voice and sing.... "Where is the coffee? I have no coffee? how can I survive? how will I make it? how can I wake up? how can I bring my self alive?"
See the real challenge is finding ways to rhyme.
When I was a kid, I watched those old musicals and thought... life can not be so happy all the time!?!?! Turns out... it can be... it's all just one big song and dance.
As many of you know, I was a music major in college. Being such, singing has always been a huge part of my life.
I honestly sing more often than I'd like to admit... and often... my own original works..
For instance...
My poor little Holli. She's 10 now, but when she was a puppy, I wrote a little ditty to "rile her up". It was called " I love my Holli". It was a fast paced little song, deeply entrenched in the vaudeville style. It also came with fast hand movements... which Holli HATED and would attack.
For years, I could start with that ever slow first line... IIIIIIII LOOOOOOOOOOVE MYYYYYY..... and Holli would get poised to leap!
I'd then BURST into the rest of the song with arm movements....
"...Holli.... my little Holli... I love my Holli Wolli Girl.... I Love Her... My little Holli... My little Holli Wolli girl." then it pretty much repeats until Holli, smartly , realized that if she ignored me... I'd stop.
Today I was thinking of that song as I sang "Bad Boy Blues" to Tucker... He chimes in with a slight whimper/howl. "Tucker... you is a bad boy.... you so bad all the live long day.... ohhhh Tucker... you such a bad boy... can't you see it's too hot to play?.... oh Tucker... mean old Tucker... why come you has to beeeee that way?"....
I have to say .... those words change depending on the situation... as you might have guessed, that's a bluesy song... I have to summon my inner Billie Holiday for that one.
As God as my witness, I just PRAY my neighbors can't hear me!
You have nooooo Idea.... music just hits me sometime! I don't know if I'm alone in that? I mean, I KNOW my friend Krista is the same... we used to spend entire evening's just singing everything!
It was like we were stuck in an opera.... a very very bad and long opera! ;-p
I can't imagine living any other way.
In fact... here's a challenge for you. The next time you're in a bad mood... just start singing! Seriously! The sillier the topic the better!
Fort instance... if you're out of coffee (or soda) in the morning... summon a deep baritone voice and sing.... "Where is the coffee? I have no coffee? how can I survive? how will I make it? how can I wake up? how can I bring my self alive?"
See the real challenge is finding ways to rhyme.
When I was a kid, I watched those old musicals and thought... life can not be so happy all the time!?!?! Turns out... it can be... it's all just one big song and dance.
Friday, June 19, 2009
Storm Stories: Heat Wave
It seriously is so hot outside right now.
The thermometer says 97 in Van Buren... and it looks like the trend will continue for the next couple weeks.
This type of forecast would have driven me crazy when I was in news.
You see, my last job in news was coming up with the stories for the day.... and a heat wave meant that we had to pull out the same stories we had done (in my case for 15 years) and find a new way to tell them.
Since it's summer, I'll go ahead and tell you what you will see on TV over the next couple weeks... that way you can forget about it and spend the week doing something fun with your family!
First, you can expect to see a a cool new "open", I'm going to bet it will be comprised of video of the sun, maybe with video of an "outdoor" worker wiping his brow...
then the News Anchor will say something like " it's the third day of searing heat... and it's not going to end anytime soon! We begin our heat wave coverage with a look at the forecast!"
now, after that... they'll pitch to a reporter whose probably doing a story about outdoor workers and what they're doing to keep cool...
out of that, expect to see HEAT STROKE tips... the standards... first you feel dizzy, nausea... then you stop sweating.... that will probably be on a "Heat Wave" background... which is really just a still of the open.
from there, I'm going to guess we may pitch to another reporter doing a story about a daycare... maybe a look at how they're keeping the kids inside all day since it's so hot... and when they DO let the kids out.... they slather them with????? You guessed it... Sunscreen with an SPF of 30 or higher!
That gets us to our NEXT still screen... Tips on picking a good sunscreen.
Out of that, almost certainly, the Anchor will pitch to the website saying something like "or more information on the heat wave or for tips on staying cool... log onto our website"
The week will be filled with people trying to come up with new ways to tell the "it's hot" story....
You'll see such favorites as-
* old or poor person cools down with just a fan
*old or poor person relies on "Cool Zones" to keep cool
*Local Agencies helping you pay your bill
*Emergency rooms see increase of heat related illnesses.
*First bills arrive for cooling costs, leaves customers steamed
*pets and the heat, probably a ride along with an animal officer explaining the required shelter.
*additional tips on keeping pets cool- freezing water to let it melt throughout the day... sheering them... kiddie pool.
*How hot does your car get? Do Visors work?
*Hot Surfaces... danger of burns.
Now, NEXT week we should start hearing about water restrictions and getting a look at local lake levels.
Stories you most likely WONT see.
*** When checking on the power grid to make sure there won't be outages... you WON'T hear how much of a drain Wal-Mart is on the local systems....
*** You also won't likely hear that Wal-Mart is making a donation to help low income people pay their bills.
I certainly don't miss this time of year in News... It truly does get into a rut and is EXTREMELY hard to come up with new angles.
That's why I say... Help the grid, Turn OFF your TV... Do Laundry at night... and go somewhere with the family. While you're gone... you can set the AC up higher...
It's really all about the planet. ;-p
The thermometer says 97 in Van Buren... and it looks like the trend will continue for the next couple weeks.
This type of forecast would have driven me crazy when I was in news.
You see, my last job in news was coming up with the stories for the day.... and a heat wave meant that we had to pull out the same stories we had done (in my case for 15 years) and find a new way to tell them.
Since it's summer, I'll go ahead and tell you what you will see on TV over the next couple weeks... that way you can forget about it and spend the week doing something fun with your family!
First, you can expect to see a a cool new "open", I'm going to bet it will be comprised of video of the sun, maybe with video of an "outdoor" worker wiping his brow...
then the News Anchor will say something like " it's the third day of searing heat... and it's not going to end anytime soon! We begin our heat wave coverage with a look at the forecast!"
now, after that... they'll pitch to a reporter whose probably doing a story about outdoor workers and what they're doing to keep cool...
out of that, expect to see HEAT STROKE tips... the standards... first you feel dizzy, nausea... then you stop sweating.... that will probably be on a "Heat Wave" background... which is really just a still of the open.
from there, I'm going to guess we may pitch to another reporter doing a story about a daycare... maybe a look at how they're keeping the kids inside all day since it's so hot... and when they DO let the kids out.... they slather them with????? You guessed it... Sunscreen with an SPF of 30 or higher!
That gets us to our NEXT still screen... Tips on picking a good sunscreen.
Out of that, almost certainly, the Anchor will pitch to the website saying something like "or more information on the heat wave or for tips on staying cool... log onto our website"
The week will be filled with people trying to come up with new ways to tell the "it's hot" story....
You'll see such favorites as-
* old or poor person cools down with just a fan
*old or poor person relies on "Cool Zones" to keep cool
*Local Agencies helping you pay your bill
*Emergency rooms see increase of heat related illnesses.
*First bills arrive for cooling costs, leaves customers steamed
*pets and the heat, probably a ride along with an animal officer explaining the required shelter.
*additional tips on keeping pets cool- freezing water to let it melt throughout the day... sheering them... kiddie pool.
*How hot does your car get? Do Visors work?
*Hot Surfaces... danger of burns.
Now, NEXT week we should start hearing about water restrictions and getting a look at local lake levels.
Stories you most likely WONT see.
*** When checking on the power grid to make sure there won't be outages... you WON'T hear how much of a drain Wal-Mart is on the local systems....
*** You also won't likely hear that Wal-Mart is making a donation to help low income people pay their bills.
I certainly don't miss this time of year in News... It truly does get into a rut and is EXTREMELY hard to come up with new angles.
That's why I say... Help the grid, Turn OFF your TV... Do Laundry at night... and go somewhere with the family. While you're gone... you can set the AC up higher...
It's really all about the planet. ;-p
Monday, June 15, 2009
Yes, I get it... now shut the heck up!
Have you ever noticed how quickly a funny commercial or advertisement can become a thorn in your side?
Over the years there have been so many campaigns that nearly drove me to violence.
I mean, I guess they did their job because I can still remember most of them.... but there are some NOW that I hate so much that I REFUSE to buy the product out of protest!
Subway's 5 dollar foot long commercials make me want to scream! I hate hearing all those people singing sections of the song in their own styles... then someone puts the whole thing together!?!?!?! like nails on a chalkboard!!!!!
Also... What's the deal with those stupid cavemen? I mean... didn't that show launch them into a sitcom? HOW?
Who among us watched those commercials and thought "That would be HIIIIIIIIIIlarious!"?
Is that what modern television has come to?
And so help me, if I hear another "free credit report dot com" song I will have to rip off my ears and throw them at the TV!
The first song... yeah... it was funny.... BUT now were like 5 songs into this train wreck?!?!?! People PLEASE!?!?!?!?
The problem is, Advertising execs are paid to be creative... but they work in an industry where creativity is stunted!
Each "idea" has to be combed through with a fine toothed comb to make sure no one could possibly be offended by it.... and if it meets the criteria.... they use it... and they use it A LOT!
It's funny too... now, they're making 2 versions of the same commercial with tiny script changes!
I noticed this the other day... there was a commercial where a guy is going down an escalator and a woman says "I think you're the father of one of my kids"... the whole premise is that he's confused and thinks she means he's her "baby daddy", turns out the woman is his daughter's teacher... Anyway... in one version, he calls the woman "Miss" something... and in the OTHER version he calls her "Sister Mary Catherine"...
I bet they had to screen that one before dozens of Catholics to make sure it was OK.... And WHY?
Do we really live in an age where we can't say things that are just a little bit offensive???
Are we really so concerned with people's FEELINGS that we will abandon our freedoms and rights?
Do we all REALLY have that big of a chip on our shoulders?
I can't imagine how life would be if I didn't make fun of every aspect of my own life! And shouldn't I have that right?
I think we have just come to a point in time that everyone has built up this image of themselves that is "respectable" and "impervious" to outside influences....
Really? Do we REALLY think that in the grand scheme of things that we, as individuals, are THAT important to the whole group?
Wow! I just derailed this blog and took it totally off in another direction... but my point is... Some commercials are really annoying. ;-p
More posts to come... June has just been SOOOOO busy!
Over the years there have been so many campaigns that nearly drove me to violence.
I mean, I guess they did their job because I can still remember most of them.... but there are some NOW that I hate so much that I REFUSE to buy the product out of protest!
Subway's 5 dollar foot long commercials make me want to scream! I hate hearing all those people singing sections of the song in their own styles... then someone puts the whole thing together!?!?!?! like nails on a chalkboard!!!!!
Also... What's the deal with those stupid cavemen? I mean... didn't that show launch them into a sitcom? HOW?
Who among us watched those commercials and thought "That would be HIIIIIIIIIIlarious!"?
Is that what modern television has come to?
And so help me, if I hear another "free credit report dot com" song I will have to rip off my ears and throw them at the TV!
The first song... yeah... it was funny.... BUT now were like 5 songs into this train wreck?!?!?! People PLEASE!?!?!?!?
The problem is, Advertising execs are paid to be creative... but they work in an industry where creativity is stunted!
Each "idea" has to be combed through with a fine toothed comb to make sure no one could possibly be offended by it.... and if it meets the criteria.... they use it... and they use it A LOT!
It's funny too... now, they're making 2 versions of the same commercial with tiny script changes!
I noticed this the other day... there was a commercial where a guy is going down an escalator and a woman says "I think you're the father of one of my kids"... the whole premise is that he's confused and thinks she means he's her "baby daddy", turns out the woman is his daughter's teacher... Anyway... in one version, he calls the woman "Miss" something... and in the OTHER version he calls her "Sister Mary Catherine"...
I bet they had to screen that one before dozens of Catholics to make sure it was OK.... And WHY?
Do we really live in an age where we can't say things that are just a little bit offensive???
Are we really so concerned with people's FEELINGS that we will abandon our freedoms and rights?
Do we all REALLY have that big of a chip on our shoulders?
I can't imagine how life would be if I didn't make fun of every aspect of my own life! And shouldn't I have that right?
I think we have just come to a point in time that everyone has built up this image of themselves that is "respectable" and "impervious" to outside influences....
Really? Do we REALLY think that in the grand scheme of things that we, as individuals, are THAT important to the whole group?
Wow! I just derailed this blog and took it totally off in another direction... but my point is... Some commercials are really annoying. ;-p
More posts to come... June has just been SOOOOO busy!
Monday, June 8, 2009
Wait... What was I going to be when I grew up?
Why is it so easy to imagine what you're going to be when you grow up... but so hard to REMEMBER it in adulthood?
Granted, each of us probably changed our minds at least 3 times when we were kids... but let's take a look at the top 3.
For instance, I know that I wanted to be an Archaeologist. When did that change? I mean... I totally think that would STILL be a cool job to have!
I think what happens is "requirements" kill the dream.
Sure, we'd ALL be Archaeologists if the course study was "digging up stuff 101" followed by "trying to figure out what or who lived here for beginners".
But somewhere along the way, someone decided that in order to dig up stuff, you need to be able to do Trig.
That bad thing is we all just agree with the system.
Clearly, there are some classes that just are not needed for a degree.
What I think is happening is colleges are just slipping some "requirements" in there to make more money.
It probably started with just a few extra classes at first... then they were like "well.. we need to fill a 4 to 6 year plan SOMEhow".
I like the days of Laura Ingalls...
She was like 14 and took the teaching exam... next thing you know, she's teaching a class over by Mankato and courting Almonzo.
If she would have been required to complete a modern degree, she would have been an old maid by the time she finished!
I suppose really does come down to how willing we are to fight for our dreams... I mean... I DID end up working in TV for most of my life... that was one of my dreams... you know... before I KNEW better. ;-)
Granted, each of us probably changed our minds at least 3 times when we were kids... but let's take a look at the top 3.
For instance, I know that I wanted to be an Archaeologist. When did that change? I mean... I totally think that would STILL be a cool job to have!
I think what happens is "requirements" kill the dream.
Sure, we'd ALL be Archaeologists if the course study was "digging up stuff 101" followed by "trying to figure out what or who lived here for beginners".
But somewhere along the way, someone decided that in order to dig up stuff, you need to be able to do Trig.
That bad thing is we all just agree with the system.
Clearly, there are some classes that just are not needed for a degree.
What I think is happening is colleges are just slipping some "requirements" in there to make more money.
It probably started with just a few extra classes at first... then they were like "well.. we need to fill a 4 to 6 year plan SOMEhow".
I like the days of Laura Ingalls...
She was like 14 and took the teaching exam... next thing you know, she's teaching a class over by Mankato and courting Almonzo.
If she would have been required to complete a modern degree, she would have been an old maid by the time she finished!
I suppose really does come down to how willing we are to fight for our dreams... I mean... I DID end up working in TV for most of my life... that was one of my dreams... you know... before I KNEW better. ;-)
Friday, June 5, 2009
The year I was cross eyed and toothless.
My Aunt Janet recently sent me some old pictures from when I was very young... and there were some in there where my left eye was crossed inward.... and I was missing teeth.
I remember how that happened!
When we first moved to Fort Smith, we were pretty poor.
we bounced from a few different rental places before we finally moved to Allied Gardens Estates.
They added the "Estates" to make it sound regal... but it wasn't... it was low income housing.
Being subsidized houseing, it was quite a melting pot. Several families who had JUST immigrated from Vietnam or Laos.
Well, one day, I was walking down the stairs to play in the "yard" when one of the immigrant children came up to me with a paper "lunch" bag filled with rocks and dirt and hit me in my left eye!
That NIGHT my eye crossed inward!
When my mom took me to the eye doctor, all he did was tell me I had to wear glasses... MAGNIFYING glasses to help pull my eye forward.
I hated those glasses... I mean I REALLY hated them. So it was such a "shame" when they were "lost" just a couple months after I got them.
Here's the crazy part... after about a year, my eye slowly straightened up! odd.
As for the toothless part... that was ALL my sister's fault.
One day, I had to have been 2 or 3 at the most, Donishia was jumping off the porch backward.
She DARED me to do it... as I was getting on to the edge of the porch Donishia PUSHED ME and said "GOOOOOOOO!"
I can CLEARLY remember that feeling of falling backward of the porch! I can still feel that horror as I was screaming... and realized that my OPEN MOUTH was about to hit the concrete edge of the porch!
I can still SEE the shards of my front tooth as it SHATTERED on the porch! I think I went in to shock because the next thing I remember is going to the dentist.
He "cemented" my tooth back together and put it back in! But, I picked at it so much later that It all fell out again... and Donishia got in trouble AGAIN! >:-)
I didn't have my front teeth for at least 3 more years! But I've had that story to hold over my sister's head for more than 30 years! ;-p
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