"Do you have kids? Well... there's always time."

Let me start this by saying to all the parents out there that I think it's great that you have/wanted kids... but indulge me for a moment.

Why is it totally allowed, in the south, for people to invite themselves into your future family plans or lack thereof?

When I see casual acquaintances from the past, why does the question "Do you have kids?" always come up within the first 5 minutes of conversation?

Do we actually live in a world where having a child is a prerequisite to being an actual adult?

Don't get me wrong, I love kids... just not in my house around my stuff or my pets.

Yes, that's selfish... yes, that's Un American... but isn't it my right?

I always love to hear about my friends' kids... but honestly I'm more interested in their pets.

I swear, I am going to start carrying around a baby book with my pets pictures in it so that when people start with the "Look how cute she is" I can whip out the pet book and say "Look at my dog... he's in the same pose as your daughter... but then again, people EXPECT a dog to chew at it's butt every now an then... Oh! That came out wrong... I'm sure your daughter will outgrow that."

And, if it's allowed for people to push themselves into MY personal life, it is then OK for me to be honest when they say something like "Isn't she the prettiest baby you've ever seen?".... Ummm... no, not really... Oh that's her FACE... I thought was a foot.

It just never ceases to amaze me exactly how PERSONAL people get with their questions!

Like when I say I don't have kids they're always like "There's still time if you want them". I am going to turn 37 in June... If I wanted kids, I would have fathered them in High School like the rest of the Southern population.

And what IS this baby craze that makes some women walk up to a complete stranger who may just happen to be a "bigger girl" and ask "when are you due?" That is SOOOO rude! I never assume ANYTHING in that department... it's just too risky!

What would those same women say if the girl said "No I'm just bloated because of my period... How long after menopause did it take YOU to stop bloating?"

Like I said, I really actually LOVE kids... they're just not for me. Anyone can tell you I have a real tendency to get kids all riled up and then send them home. Maybe that's why people keep pushing me to have kids... so they can get my kids all rowdy and send them home... I finally get it... it's not out of concern for my happiness, it all about revenge!